Memories

The last few years we seemed to have our favorite meal for Christmas; Fettuccine Alfredo! This year I was uncertain if I could make it Gluten Free. I found a package of Gluten Free Alfredo mix and I made it and it was yummy! I always get out our best dishes ( my oldest sister bought them for me years ago) and made our meal special! I like to do this several times a year, why have nice dishes to just store in a china cabinet? I want to use mine! :) I want a chip on a plate or a cup or bowl! Those chips only creates memories and someday my kids will say; "mom do you remember when I did this?"!
Today, I am taking the time to appreciate my kids. The love that John and I have for them, the time that God has granted us to have! I am thankful! I might not have the nicest china, or silk tablecloths and crystal candlesticks, but we had a wonderful meal that was special and worthy of a memory all in honor of Jesus our Lord! :)

Posting from my husband

this in response to my earlier blog! Thanks babe for your comments and what is shoe soup? I did not know we were that rich!!! I was going to make "stone soup"... :)


Deep thoughts. But I totally have to agree. Self-sacrificing love is an endless love that is real and true. We still have time to fix our problems and work on a self sacrificing love. Unfortunately for the person you know he figured it out to late. It is funny that the time a person can sit and ponder on issues that many things can be revealed. One reason why I loved to play hockey. The drive down and back was a reflection moment and I figured alot of stuff out on these trips. With so much going on at one time, sometimes it is hard to control every emotion that a person goes through. For me it is when one of the kids acts the way they do. I am a firm believer that things will get better. This stuff takes time with anything else like college and losing weight it doesn't happen tomorrow. It's a daily battle. The overwhelmingness of the amount of activities and information overload is enough to drive someone mad. Shall we discuss it over shoe soup a little bit more this evening?

Thoughts!

Today I have many thoughts and I don't know how to really put them all down into words! Things have been changing in my home lately. John is doing great in college and I am trying to lose weight and be healthy and our kids are growing up. My marriage is taking on a new course with John and I both at different points in our lives. I guess that is what will keep the element of surprise to our marriage though. I think its OK to change and go into a different direction that what a person once thought;I also think its equally important to be supportive of those changes.



I know someone who is in prison who told me something the other day that I have been repeating in my head over and over and that is real love is self-sacrificing and that if he would have known that in his life, things would be different. I have been thinking about that and how I act in my relationship with my husband. Sometimes it is all about me. I would like to change that, and if I would make it about him I know in return he would make it about me and what an awesome marriage we could have. Right now we are serving ourselves. We live in the "its all about me" world and you know, its not all about me.. Its about no greater love than one man could give to lay his life down for his friend. That is what that saying is about. Self-sacrificing love!

Just my thoughts of the day!

THIS IS ME RIGHT NOW... AND THEN LATER I WILL POST ANOTHER ONE!

THIS IS ME AT MY HEAVIEST!

My weight has always been an issue with me.. It has been hard to lose the weight. Some people can say " it's not hard, just don't eat" honestly; until a person has been overweight they don't know the emotional challenges that comes along with the weight. For me, I have hidden behind my weight, and it allowed me to be insecure and "under-active" basically it has allowed me to hide. Yea I love food, but my problem was not really in the food itself but the power of the food to "heal" my emotions and validate what I felt about myself.

Finally, I am overcoming emotions and allowing myself to change from the inside out. I am stepping up and telling myself that I don't need to hide to get active and be happy. Food is not my enemy, food is not my power, food is now my strength I still have my down moments, but I am changing how I eat in my down moments. I am proud of the me that is coming out of hiding. Its the same me, I am who I am, I am not changing, just allowing myself the freedom to be me.

I know the journey has just started and the journey will be a long one but I am healing! I am! Sig Frued once stated that the human mind is like an ice berg only surfaces come in and out and until the ice berg reaches it full heights, emotions are left underneath. My iceberg is not so small anymore! The Titantic can see it! LOL

Mexico Here I Come

Ok, so it has been a long time since I blogged.. Shame on me.. I have the oppertunity of a lifetime-well at least I think so, and that is to go on a Cruise with my mom and sister Ginkers! i have been blessed that this trip has not cost me hardly a thing and I am sooooo excited to go. I have never seen the ocean and I think I will get my fair share of it! I have been saving up all my sick days and I have enough stored up and my boss said to "Go for it"! YEA... and John is so good at supporting me and will take great care of the kids while I am gone. I will have a lot of prep work to do before I go and making sure Hannah has food to eat for school and at home since John is still learning all about the Gluten Free Living! Its all good, I am a mom and that what I do.. :)

My mom and I are leaving a day early and taking the Amtrak to Chicago and then meeting up with Ginkers and then we have our own sleeper car and that will be fun! Then we get to New Orleans on Friday and will have all day and all night and then load up for our Cruise on Sat and head to Progresso and then Cozumel Mexico! Can someone give me a HOO-HAAA! YEA

I know that money is tight---at least for us--and God has given me the ability to go without adding to much financial strain on John! Thanks God! Thanks
Babe!

This all has prompted my weight loss journey! I have lost 28.5 pounds so far and looking forward in losing more!
I joined the gym and am finally a faithful member-and I joined a spinning class and can't believe how much I love it! I am getting healthy, getting my family healthy and loving it! I think the Cruise is an added bonus for losing weight! What a gift!

Life

I guess I need to get caught up in my blogging-I have been kinda busy lately! Anyway, yesterday I was looking out my kitchen window and then I saw John, my wonderful husband, on a kiddie bike, wearing Johnny's El Tora Loco hat with horns sticking out of it. It brought a huge smile to my face and I starting thinking how amazing he is, better yet how lucky I am!
We can have our moments, we are NOT perfect and most times he can make me so mad that I want to scream, but then we have the moments where he makes me smile, or makes me a bubble bath, calls me in the day to tell me he loves me. Sometimes he will text me things, well lets just say I cannot put on the Internet..LOL The good always makes up for the rough patches!

I wish that I could magically fix things in our marriage to make it more solid-like finances! I think money is the root of many relationship issues. John and I have not always been responsible, and then when we try to be responsible we mess it too! Lately we have been trying to adapt to Dave Ramseys Get out of Debt strategy, I am not doing so well on that. We have knocked out over $3,000.00 in debt.. Yea.. I am shocked too..it just seems like the more we pay off the more that accumulates!
I try to make a budget-honest I do- its t he sticking to it that is hard. I am a problem with needing to make sure everyting is ok and that everyone has what they need ( or think they need) that I don't leave enough money for my bills or enough money for whatever I would need money for. LOL!
I think if I could get the entire family on board with not going to wal-mart just because etc, it could be ok.. I am starting to figure out that I can save money and still feed Hannah good food, its still expensive for me, but its not like it was in the beginning!
Anyway, today I was thinking: Lena, it is time for your life to start.. stop playing house, this is for real.. wake up!!!! How? How does one just admit defeat? How do they be responsible? How do they change? So, as I am blogging my LIFE, I am contemplating many new changes......but I may need advice!
How did I go from loving my husband to changing my life all in one blog? To sum it up.. Its me! LOL.. I go from A-Z in 5, no Waite 2 seconds.. LOL

YES! PIZZA!

Ok, so Hannah and I finally found a pizza crust mix that we love, love, love! The best part is...it was cheap! I think I paid 4.69 for a bag and I can make a 2 huge pizza's. I think now I am going to make a bunch of personal pan pizza crust that I can freeze and then when we need a pizza we can thaw it out and put our toppings on it. Wal-Mart labels their pizza sauce as Gluten Free so this is a wonderful find for us! I can also make bread sticks for us and mixed with yummy salad it would be perfect! I am sooo excited!

I just wanted to share this with the world!

Johnny's Concert

Look at my handsome son! He worked so hard for his solo that he had..I am so proud of him! Johnny loves to perform and he loves everyones attention! I think Johnny is going to grow up to be something amazing. He is so many things: ornery, intelligent, adorable, fire-cracker and a talker. I am a proud mom even though at times I want to pull my hair out.. LOL

more picks of Hannah's B-day Party!

They had a blast

Bike Racing!

Jason and Joyce

John and Conner hanging out


Me and John.. What a hottie! I guess Johns not bad looking either..LOL

Karen and myself! Karen knows how to pack a lunch let me tell you she not only goes to watch her husband bike race but she also goes to take care of him afterwards how supportive

This is Conner, I had to show this photo, he makes the most funniest faces!

Here is Jason showing us the bike track he was racing. It was rocky then I did not hear much more because they found a dead snake and I have a huge fear of snakes dead or alive..

Here is Jay in most of his gear. How hot that must be to wear that-YIKES! He does have this backpact thing that holds water and he can drink it through and attached straw...It was a very hot day and John and I wished we would have gotten there earlier, next time we will. John was proud of his brother, and enjoyed watching him race. The proudest moment was the beginning and we all cheered for Jason as he "took off"!

Eating out!

Ok when I get my photos uploaded I will share what a wonderful day I had watching my little brother (in law-even though I love him more like a real brother) riding his dirt bike today. It was a blast, more on that later..

Joyce and John came and then we all went back to their house and then out to eat. Joyce saw first hand what I deal with when it comes time to eating out with Hannah. It is a stressful time for the both of us. Hannah had tears in her eyes and I fought them. I don't know what to do..

We talked on the way home, this summer is all about getting healthy. No more candy and cookies for awhile. Her body needs a healing. She agreed, wow that was a blessing. She told me she wants to feel healthy....

She is so good with money, but getting a summer job was not an option this year. It might not be the smartest move, but I really really want her rested and healthy. This has been a hard year and with her Iron storage not working I just feel in my gut that she does not need a full time job right now. I am not worried about her not being able to be responsible, she is better than me and John and I am proud of her for that..

I am worried about her though. I am going to call her doctor on Monday, I have not said anything but I am worried about her. She has been having MAJOR hot flashes. Now they are waking her up in the night. What is going on??????? My poor little girl.... So, keep praying, I am going to call her doctor for the billionth time, I call so much they know me when I say, " Hi, its Lena", but they love me and Hannah so its ok to bug them. LOL
Well thats all for now..

Down and Out

Ok, so today and for a few days I have been on the down-and-out side of life! I am so tired all the time I was hoping that going Gluten free would help me with energy. I am going to start walking before it gets to hot during the day in hopes that I will get energy in the daytime instead of in the evening!
I am still trying to figure out what to feed my family.. Its not easy. A person would think it is but I not only deal with a child who has Celiac but a Celiac who is picky.. I keep telling her to learn to like new things, but its not that easy. Then I deal with guilt that really is not my fault, but the kind of guilt a mom has when she tells her daughter "no you can't have that". I can see she is really getting depressed about it and I am trying to find her a support group, I might have to start one for her. I hate living in Owensville now.. I just HATE it.. Everything is so far away. Support groups, special stores, restaurants that cater to Celiacs..
Money wise, its horrible. We would eat a lot of pasta because it was cheep, we don't eat much pasta now because it is so expensive! I have to buy a lot of meats and fresh foods and we all know how much it cost to eat healthy.. ok.. so I am on a pitty bandwagon, but this is my way to release what is going on in my brain....
John and I were doing so good on Dave Ramsey's Get out of Debt, but then I don't know what happened, budgeting for food was hard. This summer it is my goal to figure it out. LOL
I did find a store that was great. Expensive on some things and wonderful on other items, but its in Clayton and not so easy to hop in the car and go. I found some frozen personal size pizzas that Hannah loved, they are from Glutino but they cost 5 dollars each.. YIKES.. I try to make homade pizza but...YUCK most of the time.. I think I will get better...
One night I made biscuits and gravy, I was determined to make Hannah a meal that she loved.. The biscuits were.....small.. chewy.... sad.. the gravy was like eating glue....Johnny liked it. LOL
That's were my sadness lies.. Everything is changing and it has to.. My daughter is sick and I don't know what else to do to make this transition better.. I can't budget the food right, we don't eat out, I am ALWAYS cooking and cleaning and honestly I am tired.. So, there you have it.. I don't always have it together, but I don't let Hannah know that.. She helps me a lot though, the best she can...

Last day of school

The one thing that I love about my job is that I am there with my kids! Hannah will come and "visit" me sometimes when she has nothing to do in class. My students love her and she is so good with them. When Hannah sees me at school she does not hide from me, she hugs me tells me she loves me and I love that part! I'm not such an ogar after all! One day I saw her boyfriend go in for a "hug" and I said.. " NO PDA in the halls" ha ha.. I love it...:)
Anyway just wanted to share that moment with my blogger family!

Hannah's B Day

Crazy Kids! Hannah's B-day party was the last weekend in April! She turned 15--YIKES!

Jason and Karen are brave and they let Hannah have her party at their house. She had her best-buddies there and they had a blast. First they went 4wheeling and came back muddy, will post of photo of that one too, then they jumped in the lake and yes it appears that they "mooned" the lake. Crazy kids. Then they got in the hot tub and ate dinner. Hannah took Johnny out for a ride and after awhile I knew something was not right and Jason went looking for them and could not find them. Then John went looking for them and could not find them. I decided to go looking for them too and Hannah's friend Kim Bud came with me. I was now in panic mode and was about to call 911 when Karen called and said that Jason found them.... Hannah accidentally used all the gas in the reserve and was trying to push the 4wheeler back home. I am proud that Hannah stayed with Johnny and protected him..

Then when that scare was over, they had a bomb fire and Johnny could not find his shoe so he could not hang out at the fire until he found them so I was helping him look for them, later Hannah came in wearing his shoes....she had them the entire time knowing we were looking for them..she thought it was funny... I wanted to kill her.. LOL

Later, they hung out in the basement and jammed to Jason and Karen's music on the computer... Fun times..........

I don't wanna go through the motions!

I was jamming out to Joy FM today and heard this song for like the billionth time ( I don't wanna go through the motions, I don't wanna go one more day without your all consuming passion inside of me, I don't want to spend my whole life asking what if I had given everything, instead of going through the motions) and today it stuck in my mind.. What kind of Christian am I? Do I go through the motions or do I serve God because I love him so much? So I was thinking about what kind of relationship I truly desire to have with my Lord and the relationship is not what I have now. I am going through the motions but desire the Fire!
I love how the Lord speaks to me through music or His word or other people! God is so good!

What to do?

I have really been working hard at getting Hannah to get really good foods, non-gluten of course;however, she is still not feeling well. She has not had a BM in over a month and the Doctor gave her some meds to help her go to the restroom and give her Iron at the same time. So far, nothing! I am keeping a log now of what she eats and how she feels after eating, maby I am doing something wrong! I hope not, I want to get my daughter healthy!

Aunt Jane, can you give me some food ideas to feed her that she would like. We can only eat so many tacos.. LOL

Driving me Crazy

Hannah took her driving permit test today. I am so happy she is able to drive, because I hate to drive! Ha ha.....Anyway, I am proud of her and she drives pretty good already. I can't believe my baby is in HS and driving.. Where did the time go? I would give anything to have her little again and I would change so much.. Well, I can't go there, but I know what a wonderful gift that God has given me and I am blessed to have her as my daughter!

OM she is driving..

My beautiful Kids

This is Johnny and Hannah on Easter.. I think I have the most beautiful kids in the world.. no debate. :)

YUMMY CHICKEN

I made a good meal last night!

I took some almond meal ( if you don't have any you can put some almonds in a food processor and grind it up) and put some coconut in a bowl.
Then I put some Extra Virgin Olive Oil in another bowl
Then I took my chicken tenders and put it in the Olive Oil bowl and then in the almond meal and coconut bowl and then I put some Olive Oil in a frying pan and then cooked the chicken on each side for about a min or two..Then I baked it and Oh my goosh.....yummy! I cut it up and put in a salad with Caesar dressing on it.
John said it was so good!

STRESS

Living in a small town and trying to find items is hard for our GF diet. I am learning though to make the meals I would normally make but just tweak it a bit! Letting go of bread is not as hard as I once thought it was going to be, I don't miss it because I know it is my enemy! I know that I am starting to feel better and look better too. Everyone keeps saying that I look so healthy!!!!

I have seen changes in Hannah too! Her "poochy" belly is almost gone and she is looking fit, and less tired! Thank you JESUS for helping us before it was to late! I serve the most wonderful King ever!

Living GF

Ok, so it is taking some time to adjust to the new lifestyle and I am sure it will get easier! So far living without bread is not that hard, I look at it differently. I am starting to feel better than I have ever felt before and my IBS symptoms are gone!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! WOW!

I think Hannah will start feeling better in a few more weeks, I can already see she is feeling and looking different!

Update

Sorry I have not been updating, I was sick for awhile there! YIKES, missed a week of work because I had blisters on through my mouth and down my throat, and ended up going to the ER for dehydration!

Hannah went in for a Cat-Scan and we are waiting the results from that! I am nervous, but trusting that God will help me handle anything.

The diet is going good. I have had to become an expert really fast in gluten-free living! I learned that if a company is not honest in their labeling to not use them! I am learning to stick to fresh is best and name brand items as they are more honest with their labeling. Wal-Mart is great about putting Gluten-Free on its packaging!

Life will be ok.. I honestly don't miss the breads... I think Hannah is having a harder time. For me, I know I feel better when I don't eat it.. now that I know there is a difference in my body,I don't want to eat it because I will be misserable if I do.. .

I did buy some gluten free pancake mix and we enjoyed pancakes, muffins and I made a cake today! LOL.. The best part is, its really filling, so I don't eat as much as I normally would have! PERFECT!

I plan on going to the health food store next Friday when John gets paid and stocking up on good flours to make my own All-purpose mix. It will save me a lot of money and then I can bake Hannah some bread for sandwiches and stuff.

It's a lot of work for me, this new diet change! I cook all the time now, and eating out is not simple and its dangerous, so I would rather cook a good meal that is safe for my child, even though I am tired..lol..... making things from scratch is not that easy when I work full time and have chores and after school activities.. cry me a river right? I also have to pack her a lunch for school, and well its a learning process!

Thanks for reading and thinking about my family!

OH MY

Ok, day one and I have had zero foods containing glutens. I really don't know if I feel different, good be to soon to tell, but I don't feel bloated or "gassy" I don't know how else to say it. LOL If you want to know more about Celiac Spur you can click on this website: http://www.celiac.com

Gluten Free Living!

So, the doctors seems to think that Hannah has an allergy to Gluten. Her first biopsy showed redness in her duodenum and high levels of leukocytes and her blood test was mildly positive and we are waiting for her second biopsy. Meanwhile, the more research I have been doing the more I am positive this is what it is. It is also genetic and I have a lot of the symptoms, in fact, more than Hannah! I also think Johnny may be allergic to gluten's too! A lot of changes will be happening and our diets will be changing; yet I am happy and excited at the prospect of being healthier and energized for the first time in years. I am ready... I can't afford to get the testing needed because it is costing us about as much as you would pay for a car (ok, maby used) and I am going gluten free to see if changes happen to me. I think once the doctor says that Hannah has it, it is only obvious I do too, since John has zero symptoms.. Anyway, I think I am babbling!
So, keep reading because I plan to post all updates in one spot! Love to all!

Connor at Macdonalds

Hannah and I took Connnor to MacDonald's to eat and play, he had so much fun! This video is his first time climbing up and he was not scared at all.

Connor Swimming

This is him playing in the baby pool

I love being an Aunt! I have so many nephews and niece's and I wish I could spend time with all of them. This weekend I got to spend time with Connor! He is a good boy and is so cute! Jason and Karen went on a date and since they would not be getting home until late..late, Connor got to spend the night.

Mind you I have forgotten how much work it is to take care of a baby, but I loved it!

I took Connor swimming with Johnny and my other nephews: Dustin and Kolby and niece Brittany. Connor is a fish, I had to be with him ever second, as you can tell from his photo he had a blast. He went on a baby slide and kept saying, "more, more"! Then I had to keep taking him to the big pool where the lazy river was at and he would kick his feet and scream and kept putting his face in the water. You would think that it would have scared me, but I already raised two water fishes already, so it was good. Two hours later I told my mom, I am done! LOL

I am glad Connor got to spend time with me, and I was glad to give him back to his parents. LOL. I took a long, long, nap!

Our Time

This morning I was jammin' out to Group 1 Crew and one of the songs that hit me today was Our Time. The song was saying that before the day ever gets crazy we've got to have our time-our time with God! The song says,"Because I know that I need it so much"! I like that line because I do need that time with God and my mornings are so crazy and I find myself saying, " I'm sorry God for not giving you time, you know I love you and I wish my time was not so crazy" then I hear this song and really listened to the lyrics and thought, I need to make the time, its important to have my time with my God-our time to work on what we need-the most important relationship I could ever have and I need to make sure that I make my time with him!

Good Times

Making memories is so important. Each year John and Johnny go to Monster Jam! They get so excited and I save for awhile for them to go and spend money and have fun! My boys were so excited to go that they drove me nuts. Saturday was the big day and Hannah and I were going to spend time together,but she ditched me. Wow! Honestly, I was excited to spend time alone, I don't get that very often. So, I watched TV, read a book and went to bed. I loved every min of it. We kinda skipped Church on Sunday so we all slept in, I made a nice breakfast and put my family to work. I was not going to clean on my night off! I am getting smart. LOL Anyway, I thought I would update my blog a bit!

Tonight the Dutchgirls played their fist night for the district games. They won and my little #12 Hannah Roach had a great night! I am so proud of her! Look for another blog, we play on Wednesday!

Headaches and Ulcers

My poor husband is so sick tonight with a bad headache. As he wife, I feel at a loss of what to do to help him. He looks horrible and this is one of his worse headaches ever. He is finally going to see a specialist to help him figure out what the triggers are. Tonight, I was ready to take him to the ER so they can give him a shot or something-I was scared for him.

Hannah has been diagnosed with having Acid Reflux and an Ulcer. She is only 14 and I feel that I am to blame? Was it the horrible foods we eat? Stress?

Is John's headaches my fault too? YIKES.. I have already been trying to make healthy meals an I try to ban junk food and soda, but they bring it in..... I am wanting to make changes, maby these are the things that needed to happen so that we are all on board with changing what we eat and drink.....

Crazy.... by the way, does anyone really read this? LOL

Proud Aunt

This is my connner, and I am one proud auntie! He is growing up so fast that I can't take it and I'm not his mother! He loves Hannah and Johnny and of course me :)!!!!!! He tells you what he wants, and trust me he tells you what he does not want too! He is so fun to watch grow up and he is the cutest thing ever.. Thank goodness he looks like Karen haha..
I have a lot of plans to spend time with him this summer. Hannah is planning on getting a job at the pool so I will have Johnny and we plan on kidnapping Conner and taking him to the pool with us a lot this summer.. :)

Johnny Ill

Johnny is sick now, I have been busy this week with sick kids. Now, I am officially broke-between all of Hannah's medication, trips to the doctor, and now Johnny! I normally have on hand Tylenol and Motrin, but I was out and wouldn't you know it, when you are out of something, that's when you need it. LOL
I am thankful that I have the kind of job where I can take off and take care of my kids!

Hannah Ill

I took Hannah to the ER last weekend because she was having stomach pains and we thought she had a hernia or something. The ER doctor told us that she was "backed up" but you know my mothers instinct told me it was something different. Anywho, we gave her the meds so she could go,and she did and today she was hurting the same as last week, well worse today. My poor baby,just looking at her I could see the pain that she was in. So, I took her to urgent care and they gave her a GI martini and it worked. She felt better. This means that my poor 14 year old has the beginning signs of an ulcer and she has Acid Reflux-advanced stage. Her doctor gave me some prescription meds to help her feel comfortable. If she is not feeling better in the next week then we will have to take her to get a CAT scan!

I am glad I had money saved back for an emergency, otherwise I would not have been able to take her to the doctor. I spent 100 today alone in gas to get there, doctor fee and medications. I am proud though that John and I are on our way to financial freedom and are being responsible with our money and were able to take care of our daughter! I know it might sound strange to others who have been financially mature, but for the immature-like John and myself, it's a good feeling to do things right! :)

IN-LAWS

Thanks to my wonderful mother-in-law, we were able to go to the Mizzou game this year. As we were walking to go buy our tickets, men were on the corner selling tickets at a fair price for better seating, I was scared we would get arrested our something-I have never done anything like that, but we did not and we had a good time and had a wonderful memory as a family.

I truly have a great set of in-laws and I think we are lucky to have the kind of relationship we have! Thanks mom and dad for being so wonderful and spoiling us!

US

I love my husband, and thankfully he loves me too! We have been through a lot in our 15 years of marriage, but the tough times do make us stronger.

I thought I would start this blog so our family can see and hear about our lives! I don't know if this blog will be successful or not, but lets give it a shot! So have fun reading about our crazy life!

Here is my boy, cooking at 9 years old. He loves food, and all kinds of it. I asked him if he was going to be a great chef someday, and he told me no, that he was going to be the guy who taste all the food that other people make. :)